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| Dear Dr. Pyar, These days I am feeling
increasingly frustrated by my girlfriend’s
erratic ways. On some days she plays the
role of a typical lovelorn girl who is head
over heels in love with me, but on other
days she becomes absurdly lukewarm
towards me. I can hardly comprehend
what is on her mind. Is she really in love
with me, or is she only playing with my
emotions? I am totally besotted with her,
and I have told her so many times that I
would be lost without her. How can I make
her feel the same way? |
| - Raj, Pune |
| Dear Besotted, the tone of your letter
makes it obvious that you are plagued with
insecurity. Whenever your girlfriend is not
as enthusiastic in expressing her love, your
sense of insecurity kicks in to make you
feel depressed. But do you really expect
her to say “I Love You” whenever and
wherever both of you meet. How can you
even expect her to act crazy in love day in
and day out? Instead of trying to make her
love you try to get rid of your insecurity.
Develop some self-esteem and confidence. |
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| Dr. P, During the last few days I have been
receiving emails from certain websites
that promise to make my penis “longer,
larger, thicker, and improve my ability to
control ejaculation without surgery, needles,
weights, pumps, or traction devices.” I am
intrigued by their proposal and I really want
to go for it. If any treatment can make me
have sex like a porn star then that would
be a dream come true for me. What is your
advice in this regard? |
| -Anonymous |
| Dear Dreamer, There is nothing wrong in
wanting to emulate a porn star, but the
fact is that porn caters to fantasy. What
you see on screen is not what real life is
like. A man’s appetite for sex has very little
to do with the size of his penis. It has more
to do with his emotional state. If you are
hoping for great sex, then you have to
find a woman who feels the same way. By
the way, the so-called penis enlargement
websites that you talk about are part of
an elaborate scam. The are either trying to
steal information from you or send you a
fake product. In the future, save yourself
time and just delete these ridiculous
emails. |
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| Dr. Pyar, For about six months I have been
dating a gorgeous woman who works in
my office. I have taken her out to movies
and to restaurants. It is obvious to me
that she enjoys my company, but she does
not prefer physical intimacy of any kind.
I haven’t even had the chance to kiss her.
Recently I learned from one of my friends
that she had been molested as a child and
she is still traumatized by the experience. I
feel sorry for her. I would like to help her
in forgetting her past, but I don’t know
what I can do. I don’t want to end up
hurting her even more. |
| -Jignesh, Mumbai |
| Dear Helping Hand, the trauma of
molestation can prove to be grave enough
to make people shut down to sex. What
it sounds like to me is that you want
to learn how to make her sleep with
you. Unfortunately, there is nothing you
can do or should do. She needs to seek
professional help that will allow her to
exorcise her own demons. If you want to
be a real friend, continue going to movies
and restaurants and don’t expect anything
more. If you can’t handle that, then don’t
waste her time or yours. |
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| Dear Dr. Pyar, Last night when I was with
my girlfriend, she got a text message on
her mobile phone that said, “Hey babe,
r u coming over?” She insisted that she
didn’t know from whom the message was.
I promptly offered to find out. I snatched
the phone out of her hand and dialed the
number. But before I could talk to the
person at the other end of the line, she
snatched the phone back from me and
started accusing me of suspecting her.
When I tried to question her, she stomped
out of my house in a huff. I’m so mad I
want to break something. |
| -Rajav, Ahmedabad |
| Dear Suspicious, something fishy is
definitely going on here. However, don’t
jump to conclusions and accuse her of
cheating. It is possible that your girlfriend
received it by mistake. Check the caller
id and see if it came from a name or a
number. If it’s just a number more than
likely it is a mistake. If it’s a name then
you have a right to worry. If she’s talking
with other guys and not mentioning she
has a boyfriend then either she wants to
cheat on you or wants to break up the
relationship soon. Do yourself a favor and
break it off first. |
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| Dear Insecure,
You have a right to be a little worried. He
is capable of enticing your girlfriend by
evoking feelings of nostalgia for the good
times that they experienced when you were
not around. Since your girlfriend allowed
him to come to her house, it is likely that
she still harbors a degree of affection
for him. The only way you can hold on
to this girl is by being extra creative. Do
everything you can to make her believe
that you are much better and more reliable
partner than her ex-boyfriend who had
left her once and may do so again in the
future. |
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| Dear Betrayed,
There is no doubt that you must be very
hurt and you can only think of revenge.
But violence and vendetta is not the
answer. What will you gain by beating
him up, apart from the momentary
satisfaction? Matter of fact things can
only go from bad to worse. They might
report you to the cops if you try to do
anything. Getting your life on the right
track should be your priority. Success is
the ultimate revenge and them seeing you
happy, partying, and wealthy, will make
them realize their mistake one day. |
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| Dear Fast and Furious,
Most married men don’t use a condom. I
assume you’re in this category. It is time
you started using one. Condoms create a
loss of sensation and that’s exactly what
you need to last longer. You want to have
enough sensation to stay hard, but not so
much sensation that you come quickly.
Second, only engage in positions where
you control the rhythm and flow. That way
if you feel like you’re going to come soon
then you can slow down, and take deep
breaths during the activity. This will take some practice, but once you get the gist of
it you’ll easily be able to last twice as long. |
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| Dear Slowpoke,
What kind of a signal are you waiting for?
Do you expect her to carry a sign that
says, “I love you!” That is not the way it
works. She has already given you a hint
of what she wants. Now it is up to you to
make a move and sweep her off her feet. If
you keep lingering, then someone else will.
Nice girls never remain out of relationships
long; they tend to get picked up very
quickly because they are hard to find in
the first place. |
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| The art of pleasuring your girlfriend by
oral means is not that difficult to master.
Once you pinpoint her pleasure spots,
focus on that area. Having said that, if
you don’t want to go oral, you can simply
say no to her. But won’t your refusal to
play out her fantasies make her lukewarm
to fantasies you have? It might be in your
best interest to go for it. After all, you
don’t know whether you like something or
not, until you have tried it. |
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| Dear Mouse, I want you to understand that
there is nothing wrong if lovers indulge in
a little bit of role playing. If your girlfriend
wants you to play the role of Mickey
Mouse, then you should play along. In
fact, you could bring more variety into
your relationship by getting a range of
other masks inspired by different cartoon
characters. But it is also possible that your
girlfriend might be forcing you to wear a
mask merely because, your face does not
look that good. It might be a good idea to
visit a beauty saloon and get that visage
rectified. |
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| Dear Nympho lover,
The first thing you need to do is find out
why does your girlfriend display such
promiscuous behavior? Is she only seeking
pleasure or is she suffering from a feeling
of low self-esteem? People who suffer
from low self-esteem generally see sexual
activity as a way to bolster their ego. If
you really love her, then you should help
her find a new way, that does not entail
having sex with everyone, to enhance her
self-esteem. You can also tell her that
instead of indulging in casual sex, she can
try masturbation to take care of a sudden
bout of sexual urge. You can purchase a
vibrator as motivation. |
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| Dear Procrastinator, I have to tell you that
it is usually the man with commanding
energy who bags the girl. But that is
precisely what you are failing to be. Since
she agrees to meet you whenever you are
in Bangalore and she stares at you with
eyes full of passion (your words) then it is
safe to assume that she is attracted to you.
What else do you expect the poor girl to
do, throw herself up on you in public! Time
for you to start acting like a macho man,
and turn up the heat by telling her exactly
what is on your mind. |
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| Dear Desperado, desperation stinks, and
women can sniff out insecurity. So what
if you look like Salman Khan. If you look
desperate, if you are constantly pestering
a woman with your pleas, you are going
to put her off. About time you found
ways by which you can exude a degree of
confidence. It is not at all surprising that
your girlfriend treats you like dirt, why
should she respect you when you are so
full of insecurity. Girls usually prefer men
who are confident of their worthiness as
a desirable man. That does not mean that
you have to be arrogant and start acting
like a selfish jerk. It only means that you
have to stop acting like a desperate pest. |
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| L
ike everything else, it’s different strokes for different folks and
what makes you and your partner tick may not be the case for
others. The signed, sealed, delivered package of marriage is
not for everyone and quite a few unhappy couples decide it’s
not for them even if it means financial loss and emotional pain.
According to divorcerates.org, 1.1% (per 1,000 population) of
Indian marriages today end in divorce within a year or two of their union.
The Indian Family Court explains that the majority of divorce-seekers are |
While the number is large and the insecurity of marriage apparent, is that
reason enough for one to avoid it? The answer is – whatever floats your
boat. Marriage is a leap of faith and you take the plunge when all things
seem just right. Whatever happens after the leap will determine if things
work out or not. For example, the Indian Family Court also states that
major reasons for divorce among couples are temperamental differences,
demanding careers, adultery, and sexual incompatibility. Divorce as a
mean to escape violence and abuse is a separate category. However, if
unmatched moods or habits, or having career oriented goals, or even liking
sex more frequently than your partner are upsetting the vibes between a
couple, is divorce the only way out of the disharmony?
Not necessarily, say Indian psychologists and relationship counselors.
Compromising on these issues can help couples reach a satisfactory
medium. However, when a compromise is made, both parties must deliver
upon what was agreed and voluntarily be content with the situation as
per their commitment. The problems arise when one does not want to
compromise or is still unhappy with the compromise after it has been Not necessarily, say Indian psychologists and relationship counselors.
Compromising on these issues can help couples reach a satisfactory
medium. However, when a compromise is made, both parties must deliver
upon what was agreed and voluntarily be content with the situation as
per their commitment. The problems arise when one does not want to
compromise or is still unhappy with the compromise after it has been
made. Of course, there’s just no hope if you don’t love or even like your
partner. |
The intricacies of divorce are many and there is no uniform reason why
it happens. What the divorce phenomena has done to Indians, now that
most metropolitan areas are not as coy about the “D” word and divorce is
not as much of a taboo as it was in the past, is instill an insecurity among
lovebirds. Emotional aspects of divorce, vast amounts of paperwork, and
the agonizing wait for court hearings seem like complications which can
be avoided in a new and rising situation in India known as the “live-in”
relationship. In a bold move by the government, now couples who live
together for a set period of time can avail the same benefits as a married
couple. This is most certainly a sign of changing times as India looks upon
these relationships with a careful but legally acknowledging manner. With couples opting for the live-in status,
it is primarily the young, urbanites
leading the way while more
traditional ideologies on this topic
are still followed by the majority.
The question that arises in a livein
situation is - if the couple’s life
together is identical to a married
couple’s, then why not marry? Again,
it’s whatever turns one on and if both
parties are happy in this situation,
there is no need for a piece of paper
and a registrar to reiterate what they
already are – in union. The break
up of a live-in arrangement is just
as painful or relieving as a married
couple’s just sans the paperwork and
legal jargon that allows them to move on with their lives faster and easier.
All in all, rising divorce rates in
conjunction with more folks opting
for live-in relationships is not a
good or a bad thing, but just a new
thing that evolving India has begun
to accept. Love in a live-in or love
in a knot tied with all the bells and
whistles – the state of relationships
have always been the same except
now we have a choice on the way
we’d like to end or maintain what had
once begun. |
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So, it happened. Your sweet
heart called it off! You did? The
toughest part is now over. There
is no way to ascertain whether
it has happened for good or bad, but it
is certainly a period of high turbulence
for you, both emotionally and physically.
Something like this can drain you out.
It makes you susceptible to high stress
and a feeling of isolation and loneliness.
It can leave you in an immense void
of indescribable darkness, gloom and
misery, though you really don’t have to
feel this way. |
| Here are 10 incredibly effective ways
to get over your ex. |
| Easy, isn’t it? What would you do if you
lost you cell phone? Your credit cards!
You would replace it, wouldn’t you? Why
is it any different with your ex? Ah, I see.
Emotional Baggage? C’mon. Shit happens.
The sooner you understand that, the
easier life will be for you. You did your
best to keep the relationship alive. You
wanted to salvage it but it didn’t work.
Now, find someone else to occupy your
time, and no matter what happens don’t
ever compare her to your ex. |
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| Depending on the stage of life you
are in, there ought to be something
that should be high on your priority
list. Having an affair isn’t really that
important, although some lovesick
readers might tend to disagree. Well,
a little bit of solitude never really hurt
anyone. If you are a student, maybe it is time to refocus on your academics. If you
are working then focus all your energy
on advancing in your field. |
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| You can make an attempt to get over
your feeling of emptiness by joining a
class. A yoga class is a great place to start
because it gets you in shape and also
offers you a chance to meet someone
special. Some of the best women in the
city are in yoga classes, so now you
know where to go looking for them. Get
yourself busy – that’s the bottom line. |
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| Fall back to friends and never leave
them. Even when you were busy coochiecooing
with your companion, you would
do well not to ignore your friends. With
their support, you can get over this
period very easily. |
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| As harsh as it sounds, you got to let go
of it. Don’t try to patch up, reconcile or
look for opportunities to buddy with that
person again. If you had any self-respect
whatsoever, you wouldn’t want to live
with your ego confused about which side
it ought to be on. Episode closed. Who’s
next? |
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| It is time to rejoice. You are free.
You have something priceless – your
freedom. You could be yourself again,
you don’t have to spend more than you
have to and you certainly don’t have to
be someone you aren’t. Don’t even begin
to say something as lame as “ There is
bliss in going out of the way for a person
you love,” because your ex just doesn’t
deserve it anymore and you could save
this line for the next someone in your
life. |
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| Great idea, eh? Try to think of all the
nasty things that have happened between
the two of you. All those nit-pickings,
altercations and the tantrums your ex
would have thrown up at various points
in the relationship. These memories would surely justify what happened
between you two. |
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| Discard everything that you have that
reminds you of the relationship. Any of
those little things that you would have
kept in sweet memory of “yours truly.”
These small memories have the potential
of sapping your mental and physical
energy, so avoid reminiscing. |
| Some people find this very effective –
just put in more and more hours at work
and this should help alleviate part of the
pain. The more you load yourself with
work, the more your mind will wander
away from your bad memories. And
who knows you may even meet a sexy
colleague. |
| Learning a new language is very
demanding and can take a lot of time
and effort. In fact, with the world under
a globalization spree adding a language
to your resume definitely improves your
chances of a promotion. Don’t forget
the added bonus of being able to flirt in
another language. |
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| Dr. Pyar, I recently started working for a
Multinational company, where my boss
is a female who seems to be attracted to
me, though I don’t know that for sure.
On few occasions there has been intense
eye contact between us and many times
I have caught her staring at me. Though
she is few years older than me, I find
her good looking and I look forward to
having a real relationship with her. Now
I have started wondering if I should
give her a smile, wink, or flirtatious
touch. But as she is my boss, I don’t feel
comfortable initiating a relationship. |
| -Harish, Hyderabad |
| Dear Ogled, |
| I can understand that you and your
lady boss have been ogling each other
for quite sometime, but neither of you
has the confidence to speak out. That’s
just too bad. Maybe she is sensitive to
rejection. But what about you? I have
to tell you that it is primarily a guy’s
job to approach a woman. She might be
sending the signal that she is open to
any move that you make. Now it is time
decide what you value more - your job
or a relationship. If your priority is work
then sit tight and wait till she makes a
move. If your job doesn’t matter then be
bold and go for the gold. |
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| Dear Doc, I’m so confused. Let me
elaborate. I recently started hooking
up with a friend of mine. She loves
spending time with me, just as I enjoy
spending time with her, the chemistry
between us is quite good. She also
told me that she is looking forward to
settling down and having kids which is
what I want too. It came as a shock to
me when I found out she went on a date
with another guy. When I confronted
her about it she lashed out at me saying I’m too controlling. She even suggested
that she won’t mind if I started going
out with other women. |
| - Nitesh, Chennai |
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| Dear Confused, |
| Don’t worry, she’s the one that’s more
confused than ever. On one hand she
says she wants commitment but then
she goes on a date with another guy.
Ignore her words because she’s lying.
Her actions clearly show the truth. I
hate to bring the bad news, but you’re
not satisfying her. In this scenario you
only have 2 options. One, drop her like
a bad habit and move on or sit back and
let her come to you. Don ‘t let her walk
all over you, because girls don ‘t respect doormats. |
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| Dr. Pyar, I have been dating a girl for
the past 2 years, and I had already
started considering her to be my wife.
But suddenly I have found that about
six months ago she had an affair with
my colleague. When I confronted her
with the evidence, she told me quite
bluntly that, she found me horrible with
sex, romance and foreplay. That is why
she had to find another man to satisfy
her desires. Her blunt response has
made my confidence level plummet to
absolute zero. I feel as if I am doomed.
What should I do? |
| - Arjun S., Mumbai |
| Dear Doomed, |
| Dear Doomed,
The worst thing you can do is give up.
You need to boost your confidence by
doing whatever it takes. Go to the gym
and tone your muscles, buy new clothes,
change your look, etc. Next, buy a book
on the finer ways of pleasing a woman.
First start with romance, then foreplay,
and eventually sex. Get sweet revenge by
using all your new found Casanova skills on her friend or somebody she hates. If
she pleads to get back together, say no.
She should have never cheated on you in
the first place. If she was unhappy with
your performance she should have come
to you first. |
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| On my girlfriend’s birthday, I made
the mistake of gifting her a dildo. At
first it was fun watching her use it on
herself, but things went out of hand
when she started preferring the stupid
thing to me. Her sex drive with me has
gone down and to make matters worse
sometimes she pulls out the dildo when
we’re making out. Is it possible that at
some future date, women may no longer
need men? |
| - Harpreet S., Delhi |
| Dear Bad Gift Giver, |
| Dear Bad Gift Giver,
Women will always need men and men
will always need women. In this situation
you should buy a blow up doll and the
next time she wants to have sex tell her
you prefer the doll instead. Just kidding.
Sex toys might be fun for the first few
weeks, but after that the charm begins
to wane. In any case, the relationship
between men and women is not about
sex only; it is also about the bonding of
love and respect that two individuals
have for each other. It is only a question
of time before your girlfriend realizes
that a dildo cannot give her a passionate
kiss, it cannot speak sweet things into
her ear and it cannot look at her with
warm understanding. Don’t worry, she
will come back to you. |
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| Indian girls are weird. Any advice. |
| -R.S., Pune |
| Ask your mom. |
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One of the many challenges men have is to decide on what
positions to use when they are with their lover. Their biggest
fear is that the woman they are with will get bored with the
“same old, same old” and as a result lose interest in sex. So
the question becomes, what are the best sexual positions?
The best way to explain this is to talk about what NOT to do. With that
in mind, I’ll now talk about the top five mistakes guys make when it
comes to sexual positions, so that way you won’t continue making
them.
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Mistake 1: Imitating anything seen in a
porn movie
This is probably the biggest reason that guys fail with sexual
positions. Inexperienced guys think porn is a good model because
they see studs banging beautiful women, and…well, they just don’t
know any better. The problem is that sexual positions in those sorts
of movies are meant to display a good scene for viewers, not to
maximize pleasure for the actors.
And in fact, one of the WORST positions for clitoral
and vaginal stimulation is when the woman puts her
ankles on your shoulders. With her pelvis bent back
that far, she can feel pain in her cervix if you push
in too far. Plus it’s a position that puts pressure. (If
you ever have a chance to go behind the scenes and
watch the making of an adult movie, you’ll see how
quickly the mood gets killed when the actress keeps
having to stop the scene to go to the bathroom!)
Mistake 2: Trying too hard to keep your
weight off the woman, in any position
To a woman, sex is a way to get closer to her man. She loves it when
he leans on the underside of her thighs. So here’s a tip for you to try -
Next time you’re having sex with your woman (while you’re engaged
in actual intercourse, that is), get more of your weight on her. You
see, during sex, almost every woman enjoys feeling her man’s body pressed hard against her.
So how much weight should you put on
her? Make it enough so that after you
come, and the sexual frenzy dissipates,
your woman will tell you that she feels
like she’s being smooshed. Of course,do
this within limits! If you’re on top off her
grinding her pubic bone for too long, it
can feel painful for her.
But the bottom line is that many, many
women like to be pressured by at least
some of the man’s weight. So save the
gentlemanly sex for the royal family’s
women! |
Mistake 3: Letting the
woman do all the work
when she’s on top
For virtually every woman, sex is
mostly a passive activity. So by being
the motionless beta male, you destroy
the whole purpose of sex for her, which
is to open herself up to you penetrating
into her body.
Mistake 4: Being a wimp
A lot of guys have read too many Men
are From Mars type of books and think
women like it if you ask permission for
everything and let them take the lead.
Be the alpha male instead and just “do
it.” Flip her over, move her here and
there. Be aggressive and even toss her
about like a rag doll when you want to
change positions, and…she’ll LOVE it!
And don’t worry about it. If something
is going on that the woman doesn’t like,
she’ll let you know.
Mistake 5: Thinking the
trickier positions are
better
You don’t need to be upside down,
hanging from a lamp, and doing
something crazy to have great sex.
Just be normal. An old standby like
the missionary (man on top, woman
lying on her back) can be the best
sexual position. Tricky positions are
just frustrating for everybody and
often kill the mood because there’s too
much “Where should I put my arm?”
… and not enough, “Let’s just have fun
exploring.” |
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Your love questions answered by our very own relationship expert Dr. Pyar |
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| Dr. Pyar, I am in love with a wonderful
woman. The problem is that she enjoys
phone sex. In order to get her juices
flowing I have to call her and say kinky
things. Generally I do not think twice
about making a sexually explicit call to
my girlfriend, but I also feel that there
is something lacking in our relationship
and that is why she yearns for phone
sex. How can I help my girlfriend get rid
of her phone addiction? - Venkatesh, Bangalore |
| Dear Phone Addict,
Why do you want your girlfriend to stop
having phone sex? If that is what she
enjoys then you should help her fulfill
her desires. Show her that you can be
as great a lover on the phone, as you
are in bed. You can also ask her what
her fantasies are and what you can do
to make them come true. But if you do
open that can of worms, be prepared for
what you might hear. Look at it this way
- it could introduce the two of you to a
whole new sex life. |
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| Dear Dr. Pyar, my girlfriend and I have
been together for over a year and a half
now. During this period we had a good
time with each other, we talked every
day, and the sex...was great. But now the
sex has died down quite a bit. I continue
to enjoy sex as I did when we started out,
but her sex drive has gone down. Her
excuse is she’s always busy and tired. Is
there any way I can enhance her drive? - Gopal, Mumbai |
| Dear Deprived,
To enhance your girl’s sex drive you have
to know what her triggers are. I am sure
you must know what a “sex trigger” is?
Each person gets aroused or lustful due
to different triggers. For some it could be
the way you smell, dress, listen, kiss, or
a host of other things. Find out exactly
what turns your girlfriend on and work
it with all you got. |
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| Dr. Pyar, my wife’s birthday is coming
up and I want to buy her something
nice but it’s very hard to please her. She
comes from a rich family and generally
has everything she needs and wants.
We’ve been married for over 10 years
and I’m running out of ideas. Please
help. - S. Reddy, Chennai |
| Dear Richie Rich,
Since your wife comes from a rich family
you won’t be able to impress her with an
expensive gift. Instead get her something
or do something that may have
sentimental value. Take her to the first
restaurant you dined together in, book a
trip to your honeymoon spot, arrange a
meeting with her favorite music group.
Whatever you do, make sure it comes
from the heart and I’m sure your wife
will be thoroughly impressed. |
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| I am caught in a terrible dilemma. I am in
love with two girls who are best friends.
How do I pick which one to go for?
- Chintan, Gujarat |
| Dear Loverboy,
Go for the one with the bigger breasts.
All jokes aside it depends on what you’re
looking for - short term or long-term
relationship. If short term is your goal
then go with the more attractive one. If
long term is your goal then go after the
girl that is more compatible with your
personality. If you’re really audacious go
for a three-some and send us pictures. |
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| Dr. Pyar, actually I am facing a very
complicated problem. My girlfriend
makes too much sound while we are
making love. I don’t mind her sounds
at all, but I am filled with the suspicion
that our neighbors might be listening.
I have tried telling her that she should
be quieter, but she says that it is not
possible with her. She loves the sound
of her own voice.
- Jaideep, Bangalore |
| Dear Noisy,
All women love the sound of their own
voice. But the neighbors – that can
be a problem. One way to stop pesky
neighbors from overhearing is to switch
on the TV or radio before you hit the bed
with your girlfriend. Or, once your girl
starts making noise you can go under
the covers so at least her voice will be
drowned out a little bit. |
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| I have a beautiful relationship with my
girlfriend; we enjoy same activities,
music etc. Most of the time she is very
sensitive, loving, giving and a perfect
sex mate. But the problem is that she is
also extremely jealous and possessive
type. No matter how much I give, it
never seems to be enough. She always
doubts my love for her. She flies of
in a rage if she catches me having a
word with any other female. How can I
make her believe in me and trust me? I
desperately need your advice.
- Rajiv, Pune |
| Dear Possessed,
There is definitely a problem here. Most
relationships that progress according
to your description end up in disaster.
Your girlfriend’s insecurity is a major
impediment to trust, the foundation
for any relationship. Being open and
honest is the best way to deal with her.
Tell her in clear terms that you are not
going to tolerate her suspicious behavior
any longer. If she wants to continue the
relationship then she will have to trust
you, just as you trust her. |
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I'm madly in love with my college
classmate. I think I am
obsessed with her. Even when
the college classes are going, I
keep looking at her secretly.
But I am unable to muster the
courage to ask her to go out on
a date with me. How do I make
her love me? -Arun, Delhi |
Dear Obsessed,
You can't make someone love you. It
is as simple as that. If you've failed to
get her attention already it's probably
because you're not attractive to her or
you're not giving her the right signals.
Instead of focusing on yourself and
your needs focus on her. What turns
her on? What type of guy does she
like? Since you're already a part of her
class, you can start by befriending all
her college chums and through them
get some inside info on her. |
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| I think my husband is cheating
on me. We don't have sex as
often as we used to. He's traveling
more and more for "work"
and worst of all if he is online
and I come in the room he
tends to shut down the browser
abruptly. How can I find out
if he is cheating on me? -Anjali, Mumbai |
Dear Panicky,
If you think your husband is cheating
on you then he probably is. In
these cases it is best to go with your
gut instinct. For concrete evidence
you can hire a private investigator to
follow him. If you think he has an
online lover then there is software
you can buy to track every keystroke
he makes on the computer. You'll be
able to view his emails, the sites he
visits, and even IM conversations. |
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| Recently, my girlfriend said
she doesn't like it when I use a
condom. She said she will take
birth control pills but I don't
trust them. What is the best
form of contraception? -Ashwin, Bangalore |
Dear Bareback,
To be 100% safe you have to abstain
from sex. That isn't likely so here
are some tips. If you don't want to
have kids then it best to have a
vasectomy done. Birth control pills
work around 97% of the time but it
is much easier to implement. You
should also keep in mind that these
methods are only to prevent pregnancy;
they do not work to prevent
sexually transmitted diseases. We
highly recommend using condoms
even if your girlfriend doesn't like it.
You might try going in for branded,
non-lubricated, ultra-thin condoms,
which provide great sensation. |
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| I'm not from India so I was
shocked when I saw so many
men hold hands with each
other in public. Men don’t
behave this way even in an
open country like US. At first,
I thought they were gay but
my Indian colleague said they
were just friends. Is there a big
gay population here? What are
views of gays in India? -Tom, California |
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| Dear Phobic,
What is your problem even if they
are! However to answer your question
- two men holding hands (in any part of the world, and not just
India), does not mean that they
are gay. But then don't be surprised
if they are. You would be
better off minding your business.
Let others care about their own
sex lives. |
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| Maybe I'm watching too much
porn but I really like it when a
girl shaves down there. It feels
so much better than a big
bush. How can I get my new
girlfriend to shave it all off or
at least trim it? -Raj, Bangalore |
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| Dear Mr. Clean,
The answer to your problem is quite
simple. Make sure she sleeps nude
at night and when she's in deep
sleep get some shaving cream and a
razor. Just kidding. All you have to
do is ask her. If she really loves you,
she will be more than willing to do
things to please you. As for the porn,
don't worry about it. We like the
clean look too. |
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My best friend's girlfriend
has been flirting with me. At
first I ignored her but now
it's getting too much. If I tell my best friend then I know
he'll deny it or take her side.
Will I go to hell if I make a
move on her-Anonymous |
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Yes you will. |
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Most men don’t know the first thing about how
to take things to a “physical” level with a
woman. Here’s why: |
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Let’s say you’ve been out on a
date with a woman, and ou’re
now back at your place, having
an enjoyable conversation. You
look over at her. She looks back at
you. You want to kiss her. She
knows that you want to kiss her.
You know that she is the one with all
the power. If you try to kiss her, and
she pulls away, she might reject you
forever. If you don’t try to kiss her,
maybe it will happen later, or maybe
she’ll even kiss you…
The risk of being rejected forever
is so powerful and creates such fear
that you decide to just “walk away”
from the situation and hope something
happens later. Or, let’s say
that you’ve been out with a woman
a few times, and you have just
kissed her for the first time. You
know that she’s enjoying it. She
knows that you want her. You’d
really like to do more, but you’re
afraid that if you try, you’ll be seen
as “moving too fast”, or even
worse…a “pushy pervert”.
You hate the idea of being rejected
after you’ve invested all that time
and come so far, so you decide to
stop and hope that maybe things
will “heat up” later.
I honestly believe that most men
cause their own problems and
resistance when it comes to “getting
physical” with a woman. |
| We’ve All Been There If you pause and think about it, you
will discover the reason why you run
into difficulties while trying to handle
such situations.
1.You don’t understand exactly
what turns women on. 2.You are afraid of rejection.
3.You don’t know what SHE’S thinking,
so you hesitate. |
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Yes you, read that right… Men are the ones
who cause the problems.
It’s not the woman!
It’s the fact that you don’t understand
the situation, what’s really
going on, and how to proceed.
What Women Want… But Will Never Tell You
Here’s a little secret that most
women will never share with you…
She knows what’s on your mind.
Women can tell what you’re thinking!
If you want to kiss her, but
you’re nervous about it, she knows.
If you’re kissing her and want to do
more… she knows. And here’s the
kicker: If you’re afraid of her rejecting
you, she knows. Really.
Women are approximately ten
times as good at men when it comes
to reading and interpreting subtle
body language, and they know what
we’re thinking. |
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Let me correct
myself… slightly. They know what
most men are thinking. If you
understand the dynamics of how
and why women become sexually
aroused, then everything changes.
Now, let’s talk a little bit about the
topics of resistance and rejection.
Here’s an interesting thought: In their book Sexual Interactions:
Basic Understandings, Albert and
Elizabeth Allgeier mention that in
one study almost 40% of women
reported refusing sexual intercourse
when they actually wanted it. They
call this “The token no."
So, what’s going on here?
Hold on… one more thing before I
discuss this, I want to point out that
this doesn’t mean that a woman
wants a man to force himself on her.
Never force a woman to do anything!
Here’s what’s going on… Women
enjoy anticipation. Anticipation leads
to sexual arousal. Write that
down…on your forehead. You need
to remember that women like the
idea of wanting and expecting what’s
going to happen.
The reason why a lot of women say
that they don’t want to sleep with men
even when they do is because the
man doesn’t get it. Men act like they
would enjoy it if a woman just took off
her clothes and said, “Let’s do it.”
Women act like they want a man
to chase them around all night…
and then may be do it. Maybe. So if
you want her to feel more turned on,
and to get less “resistance”, then use
anticipation.
I have a technique that I teach
that’s called “Two steps forward, one
step back." This is a way to increase
a woman's sexual arousal and
amplify the attraction that’s already
present in the situation.
Here’s how it works: Let’s say that you’re talking to a
woman at your place, and you start
holding her hand. After a few minutes,
take your hand back and stop.
Lean back. Keep talking.
A few minutes later, reach over
and take her hand again… and keep
talking. Then, lean over and kiss
her. After you’ve kissed her, stop.
Lean back again. Keep talking. A
few minutes later, reach over and
kiss her again. This time, kiss her
for a little longer. Kiss her a little
deeper. Then stop. Lean back.
Smile. When you use this technique,
you will be absolutely
stunned at the results.
First of all, it completely changes
the situation. Instead of a woman
resisting you, she’ll be much more
likely to try to get you to do more.
She’ll very likely be confused. She’ll
be thinking to herself, “What’s going
on here? Most guys try to push
themselves on me, or they don’t do
anything at all. This guy seems like
he’s so in control of himself and I
keep getting more turned on. Maybe
I should tell him that we’re not going
to sleep together tonight. But this is
so great…”
And the best part of this technique
is that it’s what women want
you to do!
Of course, they’d never tell you
this. And even if a woman could
explain it, she wouldn’t want to tell
you. Women want men who already
get it.
I want to mention a couple of more
important things.
First, if you want to even get to the
point where it’s time to hold a
woman’s hand, kiss her, and get
even more physical, then you must
understand how attraction works,
and how to make women feel that
powerful emotion. If you don’t, then
knowing all the fancy techniques in
the world won’t help you. It’s also
very useful to understand what to
do after you’ve kissed a woman…
the details of how to do other, more
intimate things.
Where can you learn this stuff? Check out www.seductiontutor.com and unleash your inner Casanova. |
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The courtship rituals of the human species are
most complex and indulgent. Much of the complexity
comes from the fact that the responsibility of initiating a courtship
is delegated primarily to the male population. Oh, we all know how extravagant
some men tend to get when expressing their emotion. But it does not help one bit
when the females are erratic and unpredictable. You can never win her heart by being clueless
to her inner desires; you can only do so by studying her nature and reacting accordingly.
Here are some tips that will goa long way in helping you decode that enigmatic hottie with a naughty body
A touch can display it all
So you noticed that she is doing a
fine display to get your attention!
Woman tend to know instinctively
that a little bit of display and a simple
touch or caress can take a man
from zero to hundred in no time. So
if your girl touches herself on the
neck, arms, face, or even twirls her
hair between her sleek and elegant
fingers, it means that she is craving
for your attention. She is broadcasting
her feminine charms on a very
subtle note.
The eye of the beholder
You’re having coffee, and you catch
her looking at you, not directly into
your eyes, she seems to be just
checking out your face, body, and
clothes. In such a scenario you can
be sure that she has some sort of
special feelings for you. Eyes are the
twin windows to any man or
woman’s secret desires. You can
learn a lot about a woman by following
the direction of her eyes. If her
eyes are focused on some part of
you, then there can be no doubt that
she is attracted to you and she probably
likes what she is seeing.
Listens without interruptions
A friend of mine once said of his girlfriend,
“If she could listen even half
as much as she spoke…” Well, he
never had the chance to finish his
sentence as his girlfriend came back
into the room and like a wise man he
refrained from ejaculating the rest of
his comment. When she seems to be
paying attention to what you are
saying then you should know that
she respects you and is willing to let
you do the talking. Women love to
talk and if she is willing to listen
more than she is talking, then you
are on the right track.
Interrogation
Here comes a sure shot way of
knowing if a woman is really interested
in you; she will quiz you with
questions about your personal life
that you probably don’t even
remember! Get ready for some really
pointed questions pertaining to your childhood, school, work and your
love life. Yes, my dear when a
woman wants to know you, she really
wants to know you. |
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Moving in slowly
Has she moved closer to you while you were talking? Does her hand
seem closer to yours? That can only
mean that she feels comfortable in
your company. You can safely
assume that it's time for you to
make your move.
Showing her best angle
It is a common and acceptable fact
that we become more conscious
about the way we look when we are with the person we like or are
attracted to. Won’t you dab costly
cologne and wear your best outfit
before setting out for a tryst with
your hot date? If you find your girl
dressing better, wearing make-up,
and checking her reflection then it is
possible that she wants to look good
for your sake.
Insulting and teasing
I still remember a guy from school
that used to pick on me a lot. At
times I was resentful of his ways.
One day he took me by surprise by
telling me that he liked me. If your
girl is shooting snide remarks about
your dressing or talking style or
about your likes or dislikes, it might
mean that she is deeply interested in
you. She is teasing you because she
is intrigued by you.
Before the first kiss
A kiss has always been considered a
very potent symbol of love. Does she
lean closer when you try to kiss her?
Does she like it when you hold her
hand? Are hugs extra long and extra
tight? If yes then this is a dead giveaway
– women only initiate physical
contact when they feel safe with you
and/or are attracted to you.
If you can master the art of
reading these 8 signs, then there
is no reason why you shouldn’t be
on your way to becoming an
Indian Casanova. |
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Your love questions answered by our very own relationship expert Dr. Pyar
Hey Dr. Pyar,
I'm dating a gorgeous girl who
works as an air hostess. She is a
very friendly type of a person. I
have no problem with her attitude,
but I do think that she over does it
sometime. It is easy for guys to mistake
her attitude for flirty behavior.
Sometimes I suspect that she might
actually be the kind of woman who
enjoys flirting. Am I worrying for no
reason?
-Arun, Delhi
Dear Insecure,
Get rid of your insecurity. If she's in
love with you and both of you are committed
to each other then you have
nothing to worry about. In any relationship
trust is one of the most important
elements.Young, vivacious women
tend to be friendly. Even if she flirts a
bit, then there is no harm in that. All
young people like to flirt. I am sure you
love to flirt too. It is a healthy attitude.
My advise to you is - Take a day off
from work, book a flight, and try to join
the mile high club, where she can be
your personal air hostess as well as
your girlfriend.
Hello,
I'm dating a divorced woman with a
kid. She has everything that I want
in a girlfriend except the kid part. I
really hate it when her kid gets
between both of us. Sometimes I
have to sleep in a different room, as
she doesn't want to give her child
the wrong ideas. On one occasion, I
had a beautiful day trip planned but
she forced me to cancel it because
her child got sick. Please advise.
- J.B., Mumbai
Dear Obsessed,
Stop being so greedy. When you date a
person with baggage, you have to
remember one thing - the baggage will
always remain with the package and
there is nothing you can do about it. If
you truly love her then you have to
develop a caring attitude towards her
kid. And if you are not prepared to
accept her child, then you would be
better off by ending the relationship.
After all, she can't be expected to leave
her child for any reason. She is a mother
and you have to learn to respect a
mother's emotions. If you can't do that
then there is something seriously
wrong with you.
Dr. Pyar,
I went to a Cafe Coffee Day, where I
came across a nice waitress who
served me coffee. I decided to frequent
the place for the simple reason
that she was cute. One day I
mustered the courage to ask her out
on a date and she gladly accepted
my offer. When I told my co-worker
about my success with her, he told
me to stop seeing her because she
was not in my class.
- Anil, Bangalore
Dear Easy Ears,
Your co-worker is stupid. He has no
idea that beauty has a class of its own.
Heard of Cinderella! She was poor too,
but she caught the fancy of prince
charming. The important thing is that
the beautiful waitress did agree to go
out with you. Forget about your coworker
and his boorish opinions. All
that matters is your opinion and that
of the girl. If both of you like each
other then you need not worry about
what the rest of the world says. In any
case you should stop listening to other
people in matters where your personal
life and happiness are concerned.
I'm dating two women and I am in
love with both. But each of them
thinks that I am exclusively hers.
These days it is all fun and games
for me, but I know that I will have to
make a decision soon, because I can't
keep lying for the rest of my life.
Please help me choose one of them.
- Ramkrishna, Chennai
Dear Two-Timer,
You can try online compatibility tests,
which are designed to find people who
could be most compatible with each
other. Take the test and find out which
of the two women is more compatible
with you. Once you find that out, go for
her. But you will have to find a diplomatic
way to tell your second girlfriend
that you can’t be with her anymore. Be
patient in dealing with your love life.
Always remember - A woman handled
with patience tastes like honey, the one
handled with impatience bites like a
bee. You won't want any one of your
girlfriends to come after you like an
angry bee - so develop patience.
Doc,
I've been married for about 3 years
now. During the initial days of marriage
we used to enjoy great sex,
with lots of flirting and foreplay.
But these days our sex has become a
tad boring. What can we do to make
our bedroom sizzle once again?
- Varun, Ahmedabad
Dear Bored,
Go to the local bookstore and buy a
book on different sex positions.
Convince your wife to try these new
positions. New positions will bring new
zing to your sex life. Have you heard of
Kamasutra? You must have it if you're
reading this magazine. Try the sex positions
in Kamasutra. It always works. |
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Sex - Beyond the
Physical Written by: Lavania Bantleman
"I have read the Kama Sutra in three different languages and mastered seventy-five positions". These were the exact words uttered by my friend the other day over a cup of coffee. I was amazed and shocked and in part intrigued. I looked at him speculatively, to which he replied with a booming laughter, customary to him. "It's all in the mind dear girl, and of course some of it is in the body". He put it this way, "The Kama Sutra is a scientific approach towards making the act of mating a treasure house of energy, excitement and pleasure. It co-joins physical pleasure and the mental senses to attain a state of orgasmic nirvana."
Now I have never read the Kama Sutra even once, let alone looked at a copy. However the manuscript itself has always been a hot topic of discussion and interest with both genders of all ages. After all sex is as old as life itself! The adaptive screen version according to most critics was a let down on the content of the book, however it was one of the channels that brought about the arrival of a much more progressive generation of young I n d i a n s . Unfortunately, a vast majority of the Indian society is still prejudiced and unforgiving when it comes to accepting sex for what it is; a timeless rhythmic ritual known to man that culminates in a beautiful union of mind, body and soul and accomplishing two core things - reproduction & pleasure.
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Why then do we flinch whenever we see an advertisement or a movie with overtures of sex? Women who dress to accentuate the female form face criticism because some feel it offends Indian sensibilities. Do we react to the physical form of such a representation or are we offended because we still prefer sex to be something that needs to be kept a secret. We suffer agonizing pangs of uncertainty over how graphical exposure of the human anatomy will affect a young mind and yet are still apprehensive when it comes to sex education for our children. A teenager in India learns about sex from television, movies, his/her peers and of late the ever so resourceful World Wide Web. Definitely not from his parents or teachers. We are all sold out to the idea that sex is best left out of a child's learning and growing process. The general argument here is "No one told us, and we ended up just fine." A step further and we start blaming the western influence on our society.
A lot of the western culture is based on religious disdain of the "sins of the flesh". Any form of purification of the mind and body required giving up physical pleasure and embracing pain. However this was probably because the doctors and leaders of the Church realized that sexual practices can be unruly and disintegrating to society if proper guidelines were not laid down, hence social and personal welfare depended on a standardized sexual behavior and in turn was conducive to spiritual growth. Much of the freedom of expression and openness about sex that we witness among the western nations came about because there was a consolidated and conscious effort to rebel and break away from the old accepted norms of the society. There was a deliberate segregation between religious ideologies surrounding sexual behavior and the sciences. The weight shifted from sex being just an act of reproduction to an art that enveloped physical gratification with emotional fulfillment. Emphasis was laid on sex as a physical requirement as well as a psychological need to sustain a relationship in a society that did not necessarily adhere to being bound by marriage vows. Christianity came to the east much later and Hinduism was the prevalent religion at that time. So how did we go from a land that gave the world the infamous and alluring Ajanta and Ellora caves and the Kama Sutra to a closeted society that treats sex as taboo? Adding to that paradox is the fact that nothing sells as increasingly as sex. In The Erotic History of Advertising, Tom Reichert writes: Sex in advertising isn't just skin and erotic behavior. Advertisers place sex in their ads as a tacitly promised result of buying and using the brand. These sex appeals can be thought of as sexual promises that either implicitly or explicitly offer sexual benefits to consumers.
Sex in ancient India was celebrated as is evident from the artistic representations that adorn the beautiful Ajanta and Ellora caves and in the form of our Gods and Goddesses which have beautifully carved and full bodied figures. The artisans and the society laid premium on the physical form as much as on the divinity! It is difficult to understand when and where we morphed one of mankind's most profound experiences into something that one should be ashamed of. I personally believe we should return to our roots and become the sexually liberated people we once were. |
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